The Full Story
Getting out of their comfort zones was not something Sonnie and Dev trained to do. Truthfully neither of them had a comfort zone growing up. And looking back after all these years, that is why they kept searching beyond what felt familiar.
Sonnie
"Living in a foreign environment with its own culture and idiosyncrasies is full of challenges, but my biggest adjustment was finding friends. For me, friends are my family."
I grew up in South Africa, which if you are not familiar, is a society in which feelings are kept very close to the chest. Almost British in that regard.
It was a difficult journey for me to start sharing my emotions instead of exploding at random moments, which often had negative consequences. Part of why I did that, I realize now, is because of my hostility towards men. A behavior I worked very hard to unlearn in order to foster meaningful relationships with all types of people (yes, including men!).
For me, being straight was always assumed, especially by me. When I did come out, it wasn’t with banners flying and a new Subaru purchase - it was more of an awkward, sloppy situation in which I realized that I had to accept myself first before I could possibly allow others to accept me.
One of the women who I allowed to see the real me was my wife. We fell in love while she was visiting my homeland, or I should say where I came from. Shortly after our nuptials, I moved to her home country to live on a different continent without even being able to speak the language! Living in a foreign environment with its own culture and idiosyncrasies is full of challenges, but my biggest adjustment was finding friends. For me, friends are my family. And I just left everything I knew to follow my heart.
I tried everything to make friends! Local choirs, gym classes, sports groups, you name it! But so often I felt like an outsider; I just couldn't break into the local scene. I needed to find my people, friends who wouldn’t see me as bizarre, but as one of them. In the meantime, I made the most use of my Masters degree in music by working in digital marketing and teaching music on the side (lol isn’t that how it always goes!)
Eventually I found expat social groups, who beyond speaking English, laughed at my jokes!! Well at least some of my jokes. More importantly, I started to find people I could connect with and see me without judgment, including one of the dearest people in my life, Dev.
Dev
"Once I isolated myself from all that was familiar, I began to understand how much of my thoughts and actions were reflective of the real me vs. habits and ingrained customs. Over the ensuing years, I started to finally embrace transformational change."
Growing up in suburban America, I was a loner despite having a loving family and getting along fine with other kids. I spent most of my time focused on schoolwork and did very well. I realize today focusing on my studies let me not focus on my surroundings, which I found quite uninteresting.
Only after I went to university in New York did I start to feel the real me emerge. Nothing in NYC felt like the home I knew, and that felt incredible! I met the most varied group of people I had met up until that point in my life, and I knew in my heart living as I did before would never vibe with the real me - a truth I hold dear to this day.
After university, my achievement mentality served me well in my career, as I was often promoted (at times only within months of starting a new job) and became a startup executive at several companies. Yet deep down I knew there was still something sorely lacking in my life. I changed job sectors and cities but the lack followed me. Money, titles and accolades kept feeling empty.
I knew I needed more than a vacation, more than a change of pace. I needed to live differently if I was going to find a way to live a joyful life. I walked away from my career to take a self-imposed sabbatical and live as a digital nomad outside the United States.
I thought at the time that if I was in a physically different environment, I would start to think, speak and act differently. That was as far as my emotions could process at the time. Once I isolated myself from all that was familiar, I began to understand how much of my thoughts and actions were reflective of the real me vs. habits and ingrained customs. Over the ensuing years, I started to finally embrace transformational change.
When friends, family or new people in my life asked me, “what have you been up to since your last job?,” discussing career felt wrong. Because the reality was I was spending significant time working on myself, the most difficult challenge of my life. I did the hard work to become a more authentic me.
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Before I met Sonnie, I had lived in several countries and multiple cities. She was funny and interesting, but what drew me to her is what I came to realize as our personal bond grew - she was someone who helped me realize the disconnect between my standard situational responses and being emotionally truthful.
Emotionally Unstuck
Our restlessness to not blindly accept the familiar drove us to new environments and situations. When we embarked on our personal journeys, there were no books or videos to guide us. As Sonnie loves to say, “we failed forward!” We kept growing as individuals as we became more emotionally healthy.
Wanting to help others do the same is something we’ve done for years. Dev managed and mentored multiple individuals over his career and is an emotional rock for loved ones in his life. A comment that drove him to explore Emotionally Unstuck in the first place was when a loved one commented, “you never seem as happy as when you help someone achieve their life goals.” Sonnie takes great pride in teaching dozens of students over the years but beyond countless positive reviews, she feels the greatest joy when hearing students tell her she helped them find their voice!
Life coaches help you ask yourself the right questions, and mental health professionals help you delve into the why. Throughout their adult lives, Sonnie and Dev grew as individuals and helped others grow through clarity and action. Psychological theories and guided introspection have a deserved place. But for those who have tried everything and cannot seem to understand why they are stuck socially or at work, Sonnie and Dev created Emotionally Unstuck to provide practical techniques to help you achieve your goals and become more emotionally healthy in the process.
